Alright, the Twins open their gates 2 hours and 10 minutes early for weekend games. However, they were playing a 3:10 game following a night game so I didn’t know if any BP was going to be held.
I decided to gamble and showed up at 12:45. I was among the first in the stadium at 1:00 and the first one to enter the left field seating bowl. I literally had the whole thing to myself for 1 whole minute. That doesn’t seem like much, but I was shocked. I was excited to see my Twins in the cage and batting practice in full swing.
Each stairway in left field had an usher in it looking up and down the aisles making sure that they got every last ball. The ushers, some more than others, seem to relish combing the aisles for every Easter Egg and either pocketing them or tossing them back on the field. There is a guy that is an uber fan of the Twins named nicknamed “Waldo” and the ushers HATE him. They have even gotten him banned from the dome for a time. He is almost always the first one to run into the left-centerfield seats. I asked one of the cool ushers once why they go through the stands with such fervor scouting for balls prior to the fans arrival and he flat out told me that it was to keep Waldo from getting them.
From time to time, the sections well into foul territory along the left field line will yield an Easter Egg since the ushers don’t really look there since it is kind of rare that a ball will end up that far foul with the BP cage up.
As I am searching for Easter Eggs, I hear the “thump” of a BP homer hitting the seats. I am still the only fan in the place!! My heart jumped. An uncontested ball at the Dome?? I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t see where it landed, but I had an idea of the vicinity due to the sound.
As I headed over there hurriedly to claim my prize, I was seen by this fat, worthless, ugly, piece of white trash usher. She saw me on the move and starting running down the stairs to ace me out of the ball. I couldn’t believe it. I was shocked. We started looking for the ball at the same time, but she had seen where it landed and pocketed it about 10 feet from me. As she was running around looking for the ball I said something along the lines of “Hey, what are you doing? There are paying customers in the house now. The obsese bizzatch just grinned like a cat that had gotten into the cream.
I have talked to this gutter dwelling fatso before and she has a thing against adults getting baseballs. I asked her if she was going to throw the ball back on the field and she said she was going to give it to a kid. She than proceeded to tell me I had enough baseballs. Can you believe that? An usher racing a fan to claim a BP homer? What a low life piece of garbage. I am half tempted to call her big boss and tell him about her antics.
On the plus side, right after my interaction with Rosie O’ Donnell, I walked about another 15 feet across a stairway and a fresh commemorative ball was slowly rolling down the stairs right to me. The ball hadn’t been an Easter Egg nor had it gotten freshly hit into the stands. I saw a nice usher walking up the stairs. He had to have seen his trailer park hussy of a co-worker ace me out and decided to roll me a gimme ball. That made me whole and put me on the board.
As I posted in my last blog, I went to a charity dinner with the Twins and sat at a table with rookie hurler Brian Duensing. I was hoping he would recognize me. I congratulated him on his great performance last night and he gave me a quick thanks. I didn’t get the impression that he recognized me as the bald idiot that he had broken bread with six weeks ago. So, I told him ever since we had dinner, he has been on fire. Then it dawned on him who I was and he became more friendly. He said how great the dinner was and made a little small talk. Nothing much, but at least an acknowledgement. The next time a ball came to him, he turned around and picked me out of a group of rotten kids and threw me a strike for ball #2 on the day.
I then moved around to the right field side where I was quickly able to get a Tigers pitcher to toss me his beat up warm up ball for ball #3.
All in all not a bad day at the dome that was capped by a thrilling come from behind victory, I am now at 76 balls for the year with 4 games left, including 2 at Kansas City. I should hit 80 for the year and 100 for a career. I go to meet a young man named Casey at the tilt who is a protege of the the Happy Youngster. Always nice to meet people with similar interests.